


Mother's Arms

by TheonSugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Blood, Gen, Vomit Mention, broken glass, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 00:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4645431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his argument with Adam over the newly opened scrapyard, Aaron is at a low point. Chas makes it both better and worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother's Arms

After the way Adam had torn him a new one in the pub, Aaron was content to spend the rest of his night drinking in his room. He couldn’t even say Adam had been wrong. He’d been distracted. He’d let Adam down like he’d let everyone else down. He was so used to it by this point he was surprised Adam had gotten to him at all. Best mates just knew how to stick the knife in deeper.

“ _Best mate_ ,” Aaron laughed, picking at the label on his bottle. If only it were that simple…

He didn’t hear the knock on the door the first few times.

“Aaron? Aaron?”

He rolled his eyes at the familiar voice.

“Mam, if that’s Adam, tell him I know Moira told him to apologize, so he can stuff it ‘til he means it.”

Chas opened the door, without knocking this time.

“He did call, but that’s not why I wanna talk, luv.”

Aaron’s hand clenched around the beer bottle.

“Do I have any say in this? I’m dead tired and…”

Chas shut the door behind her, wearing the sincere, concerned face that Aaron always associated with an incoming ear-bashing.

“Listen, I’m sorry about Adam, but I’m not really  _that_  sorry.”

“Cheers.”

“Son, I know you…”

“You know nothing.”

She paused at the anger in his reply, pursing her lips before continuing.

“I know I lost you cos of him. I know he humiliated you in front of all my punters. I know he’s not good enough for you." 

Aaron shook his head, wishing the floor would swallow him up.

"What do you want from me, Mam? I’m not on his door with fuckin’ flowers and candy. He’s me mate.”

“He’s not your mate, Aaron. We both know that. He sure doesn’t treat you like one, and you’ve never…”

Aaron put the bottle to his forehead, hoping the coolness would stop his head from spinning.

“Just stop!”

He knew that would only keep her going, but he couldn’t say what he was really feeling. He knew he’d say things he couldn’t take back.

He closed his eyes, hoping he could listen without hearing, tune everything out the way he’d done so many times.

“It’s a pattern, son. And I know all about patterns. You can start over. Tell…tell Robert…”

She couldn’t even say his name without sounding sick. That hurt Aaron more than it should have.

“Tell Robert to buy you out. Only reason Robert gave you money was to keep you sweet.”

“Glad you got so much faith in me,” he spat, hand tighter on the bottle. 

“I’ve got all the faith in the world in ya, son, but we both know what he wanted.”

To his shame, Aaron couldn’t even tell her she was wrong. 

“Got it. Adam’s bad. Robert’s bad. Thanks, mum. Good talk.”

Aaron could hear her hand on the doorknob, and thought for a second everything was fine, that he’d be alone again.

“Son…”

He couldn’t say anything. Not one more word.

“It’s not about being bad. It’s about makin’ you feel bad. That’s all these blokes do. Adam. Robert. Even…”

 _Please don’t say his name,_ Aaron thought.  _Please…_

“Even Jacks…”

The bottle shattered in his hand.

“Shut up! SHUT UP!!!” he screamed, tears streaming from his eyes in time with the blood streaming from his palm.

“Aaron…”

“I said shut up,” he hissed, walking past her to bandage and clean it up. 

He was almost relieved about the cut. It gave him something to focus on, something to control. 

“Son, please.”

He couldn’t talk to her. He couldn’t talk to anyone. He couldn’t do this. The worst part of all is he knew she was right. Not about Jackson - Jackson had never meant to hurt him, and he’d taken far more from Jackson than anyone should ever take from a man they love - but about everything else. 

“Son, just listen to me. I’m sor…”

“No, that’s what I’m supposed to say!” he shouted through the door, laughing through the pain as cleaned his wounds. The ones he could clean, anyway.

“I’m sorry, Mam! Sorry I fell in love with Adam! I’m sorry I came back cos of him and not you! Sorry I still…I still love him even when he’s gone all rotten inside. Make you proud, Mam? You know your son so well!”

He couldn’t tell if she was still there, but he couldn’t stop yelling. He never wanted to stop.

“I’m sorry I loved Jackson! Sorry I crippled him! Sorry I killed him!”

He wanted to vomit at that last part, at the mention of Jackson’s name. Even now.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay with Ed, maybe wear his ring, adopt a few kiddies for you to show off to Diane and Val. Sorry I can’t keep a good man, Mam!”

He wanted to scream his head off about Robert too, but even now, he couldn’t do that to Robert. He bit on his tongue so hard it practically bled. 

“More than anything, Mam, I’m sorry I never got to make  _you_  feel better for making a total fuck up of your life since before I was ever born!”

By this point he was hunched against the door, head in hands, eyes as red and raw as the cut on his hand had been. He sat there for how long he didn’t know, wishing the world away.

“Aaron…please open the door, luv.”

He opened the door, finding her standing, waiting, eyes as red as his…maybe more.

“I’m sorry, son. I love ya. I’m so sorry. Shh. It’ll be alright. Everything’ll be alright. I promise.”

It would never be alright, but he needed her. He needed her like he’d always needed her.

He sank to the floor, ashamed at his tears when he’d caused pain in so many others.

“I’m sorry, Mam. I’m sorry, I…”

Aaron never wanted to hear the word again, or say it, but it was all he knew.

She shushed him again, putting his head on her shoulder as both knelt on the ground.

“You don’t have to say anything else, luv. I’m here. Your mum’s here.”

He wept in his mother’s arms. 


End file.
